Insomnia

i have an issue with my current sleeping habits. i brutally abusive myself mentally throughout the night until 4am for the the past two months. i just can't sleep. each time i shut my eyes, i just start thinking.. my mind starts to journey into the past, the present and the future. usually thoughts that filled my mind would be my family and my future.. recently i imagined life without my mom and dad.. i imagined them passing on.. i captured the feeling and it was surreal that i started tearing. the feeling of hollow, standing beside their coffin and in there lay their motionless body that gave life to me. when that day comes, all i know is i will have a major breakdown. yet now, i still neglect their presence. i still take them for granted thinking that there is always a sight of them tomorrow. but every single time i see them of them seeing me might be the last. i hope i will cherish the moments with them from now on.

"To think i might not see those eyes, makes it so hard not to cry..." -Leona Lewis, Run.

About myself.. i just can't stop thinking about what my future beholds.. how successful would i be. where will my friends be? what people am i bound to meet? will i grow into maturity? my health? my soul mate? will i be single like my aunt? will i go through the loneliness ALONE?

Apart from that.. i will think of ways to improve my work performance.. how to run a restaurant successfully.. will i fail along the way when the torch is passed on to me? will i ignite the flame or will it be vanquished in my hands? the pressure is on. and the most recent quandary that fills my mind is the branch my aunt is bound to open in Singapore. can i handle it? Singaporeans are not easy to handle, ya? no pun intended

Physically.. how to improve my physical outlook? is having a great body a compulsory requirement to get a stamp of approval in the gay society? I've always wondered what is it like having a nice physique.. hmmm....

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But somehow, i will fall asleep eventually in my favourite fetus posotion.

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My friends gave me some useful advises to help with my sleep. its amazing to have good friends with minds. haha.

1.just focus on positive thoughts. count your blessing!!
2.burn scented/aromatic candles.. (what the hell.. knowing me.. i will end up
burning down my house)
3. Listen to some relaxing music. (doesn't apply for me.. music keeps me awake)
4. MASTURBATE ( supposedly you exhauste yourself in a "pleaurable" way until you get too tired, you sleep!)
5. Eat something light or warm milk (dangerous baby, DANGEROUS)


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